Is This Utopia?

Come on Over!

2010-09-22T23:12:00.003-04:00

So, I'm taking the plunge and redirecting visitors to www.traciewelser.com even though it's not quite ready yet. No new content will be posted here, so be sure to adjust your feed reader and/or subscription.

The content is the same, just working toward a better-looking site and more flexible platform.

See you there!

This Blog is Moving!

2010-09-17T21:07:00.003-04:00

Just a heads-up; Is This Utopia? will magically transform this month into traciewelser.com and migrate on over to a WordPress format, finally.

SO, adjust your sets, and let me know what you think. The site is already up, but it's a work in progress; new logo is being designed as we speak.

On Roller Derby (more non-writing activities)

2010-09-14T22:40:00.006-04:00

Too chicken to play all-female flat track roller derby myself, but it is awesome to be a spectator. I've recently been introduced to this team sport, and my current fav is the Switchblade Sisters, a team in the Tampa Bay Derby Darlins league.

The officials are almost as much fun to watch as the flat track action itself. I spent a fair amount of time at the last bout on September 4th trying to capture the antics of Stella Knockout (derby names are fun). She skidded on her knees on the edge of the track (a few feet from me) after every other play like she was sliding into home plate. Never quite got the shot I wanted, though. As seen here, she rocks the referee uniform.

I'm really not one for sports. I was forced to play team sports as an adolescent and hated it all. Now, I tend toward individual or partnered recreational activities, not competitive ones, and I don't watch sports on television. The entertaining aspect of roller derby (for me) has a great deal to do with empowering women, and the majority of spectators are women and girls. I plan say a bit more about this and the appealing third-wave punk aesthetic, too, when I'm not so sleepy; women-centered space can be creative and interesting to occupy. The number of supportive males in the sport, in terms of both audience and officials, is not too shabby from what I've seen in this league.

For a fun and informative look at roller derby, check out the excellent documentary Blood on the Flat Track: The Rise of the Rat City Roller Girls.

What Else?

2010-09-13T22:25:00.005-04:00

My family and friends must be getting tired of hearing about my writing life because someone recently asked, "So, what else are you doing? What have you been up to?"

What I'm up to is bouldering and buildering, veganing and watching roller derby (but not all at the same time).

About bouldering:

I discovered this with the help of a friend and freaked over it, a little. Who knew climbing around on walls could be so awesome? And it builds muscle like crazy. The crummy thing is, the nearest gym is an hour away.

So, just for fun sometimes I gotta builder. In other words, climbing around in places I probably shouldn't like a monkey. Mind you, I'm a novice at both of these activities, but this one is particularly appealing to the juvenile delinquent (by which, of course, I mean "free spirit") that lives in the corner of my heart. A good friend is an influence in this regard.

So here I am climbing around on stuff behind the post office. Postal people might not appreciate this activity in the same way I do, so I'm buildering after hours. My son thought it was a hoot and joined right in. Is this a negative thing?

This silliness is abetted by the fact that I just acquired a pair of Vibram Sprints, five-fingered toe shoes that garner weird looks everywhere they go because, frankly, they are odd-looking. But they give you all kinds of grip, and they're comfy. I walked a couple of miles in them today, rode a bike and then set a bad example at the post office after dark. Good times.

Tomorrow: veganing and roller derby. Those need their own posts, methinks.

An Acceptance!

2010-09-11T10:50:00.002-04:00

I'm am thrilled and amazed to report that a submission of mine has been accepted for publication.

In a fun publication, too. Recently, excellent super-duo Ann and Jeff Vandermeer announced a call for micro-submissions to be included in their latest, The Thackery T. Lambshead Cabinet of Curiousities, which will feature such cool people as the marvelous and friendly-in-person Ted Chiang, China Mieville, Holly Black, Garth Nix and Minister Faust, to name a few.

You can read my submission on the blog comments here.

Congrats to all, and a big thank you to the Vandermeers for their consideration.

The Single Best Thing

2010-09-08T22:54:00.003-04:00

One of my Clarion West buds just sent me a critique of my latest effort at a short story. A really solid crit. And that may be the Single Best Thing to come out of the CW experience.

Not only do I have great friends who keep in touch and tweet pictures of their lunches to me, who chat with me about theology and life and finding fulfillment, but we are also lending generous hands to each other in our continuing work.

Even better, we'll get a chance to further that effort when we meet up again at events like World Fantasy Con.

Thanks, peeps! You made my day.

Life After

2010-08-28T21:38:00.003-04:00

It's been a busy summer, and I've only covered a fraction of it here. As proof that there's more to life than Clarion West recovery, I actually set some goals.

One of the cooler gifts I was given at CW (among others too miraculous to quantify) was a autographed copy of Jeff Vandermeer's Booklife, which is an extraordinary survival guide that all serious aspiring writers should have. Thanks, Jeff! In the book, Vandermeer handily explicates the notion of goal-setting as it applies to the writing life, along with a wealth of other helpful suggestions.

I sat down and cranked out goals for the week, month, and coming year, including the number of submissions I think I should be rotating at any given time in marketland, and conventions for professional writers that may help further my career. I made plans to attend one, World Fantasy Con, and outlined plans for other events in the year to come.

The momentum is exciting, but I realized pretty quickly that my weekly goals are unrealistic; part of me crazily expected to keep up a CW pacing outside of the workshop bubble. When a child is tugging my sleeve, other family members need attention, and I find myself launched back into service of my faith community, the pace really slows.

However...

I have recently submitted three works, two of them stories from the workshop, and I'm currently working on a promising new idea. I'm keeping in touch with CW colleagues, and I joined the Codex Writers' Group.

I guess this is a little pat on the back to reassure myself that the thrills and successes I experienced over the summer aren't going to fade away into the ether of memory as the present realities of my life assert themselves. I'm working toward my future, one goal at a time, and I know what I want. I just have to keep moving forward.

Clarion West Made Me Do It Part 2

2010-08-20T22:23:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I didn't mention this one already. As far as crazy things go, this ranks pretty high with some people, including more than a few Famous Authors I met at the CW parties. I was NOT the only one who got a tattoo to commemorate the workshop, BTW.

The Clarion West Narrative: Eight Crazy Things Clarion West Made Me Do

2010-08-19T22:12:00.008-04:00

This ongoing narrative thread about Clarion West is less coherent than I'd like, but I'm starting to think that's symptomatic of the experience. My brain is so full of memories, sights, sounds, faces, places and ideas that the story is coming out in a jumble. A rough draft that I'll clean up as I go, at least in my head, as I rewrite my life story.

One way I want to address some of the story is to drag it out of my past and into the present moment.

The welcome packet I was given warned us that we'd return home changed people, and in my case, the advice was dead-on. From very basic things (I started chewing gum to stay awake and developed a habit) to major shifts in self-concept that I can't yet articulate, the workshop was transformative.

I developed an almost paranoid relationship with my laptop and still feel uneasy if it's not where I can see it. I'm addicted to Twitter. I drink too much coffee. I'm aggressively protective of my privacy and free time. I can't sleep (yet) on an Eastern time schedule. I returned to veganism with a passion. But, HEY! Results may vary.

I also learned to think and work like a professional writer, which is a good thing, one hopes.

This last part may seem a little juvenile, but when I came back, I also had a burning desire to be a bit funkier, to make my outer appearance match my changing inner self-concept. After some careful thought, I made a big change.

So, here's my new do, some of which is blue. I feel fabulous and more comfortable in my own skin. I can't sufficiently explain why this was important to me.

At my age, you'd think I'd be past little things like appearance. But I'm becoming a person I've wanted to be for quite some time, and it feels totally right.

Clarion West Narrative: some tidbits

2010-08-17T22:12:00.004-04:00

Clarion West students work to build collegiality, but the workshop tone is set by the instructor.

Case in point: Week One

Michael Bishop was wonderful, a pro. Right out of the gate, he launched into an enlightening lecture on the evils of passive voice and tired phrases, and discussed the useful concept of the "object correlative." During week one, it was clear that Bishop expected us to be familiar with more than just work in our chosen genre. We discussed James Joyce, Eliot, and Robert Hass. We talked about Flannery O'Connor and characterization, "say-able" dialogue and careful prose. And we wrote our butts off, with a different short piece due each day on a particular theme. The extraordinary part, one I dearly loved, was the fact that the stories were turned in anonymously, and Bishop read them aloud for us to critique.

The quality of those early stories blew me away. I had found myself in the company of some brilliant people. Good place to be to grow as a writer! In this process, Bishop taught us how to workshop stories without blasting authors. It set a marvelous tone for the weeks to come. Bishop himself was positive and humorous, a delightful guy.

On Tuesday, we attended a reading at the UW Bookstore where he read from a recent anthology he edited entitled Cross of Centuries. His selection was a fabulous re-imagining of Christ as a woman. Definitely worth the read.

The Clarion West Narrative

2010-08-16T12:45:00.007-04:00

Finally back at home, after some training and travel unrelated to writing (more on that later, perhaps).

Many people are blogging about the workshop experience, and I know why (here's a superb example). I've written for newspapers, but this isn't reporting. This is grieving and restructuring the narrative of our lives, post-CW. At least, for me it is.

I don't have adequate words to explain how much the workshop experience impacted me and changed me. I'm opting to tell the tale more thematically after a failed draft attempt to break down my Clarion West experience into week-by-week description. The bottom line is, the week-by-week stuff all blurs together, even if you take extensive notes, like I did.

Having said that...

Arrival at the workshop, Saturday June 19. Palpable excitement as classmates arrived. Lots of hugging and thrills of recognition from forum and blog posts, photos shared online in our Google group. Threw luggage into my room. The admin folks, who are lovely people, left us to our own devices to get acquainted. We went out for Indian food on University Avenue, the smorgasbord of ethnic cuisine yum-yums.

Imagine showing up to a beautiful house filled with people who share your fondest hopes. They've read some of the same books you've read. They speak your language. They laugh when you make reference to Babylon 5 or The Princess Bride. They're wearing t-shirts with geeky sayings on them. I breathed deep, in spite of my jitters. These were MY people.

The most precious thing about the CW experience for me? Friendships. This was also the toughest part, as the workshop drew to a close. Not only did we get an extraordinary chance to learn from pro writers, we also got to share our own talents and passions with other new writers, and the combination of these factors makes for some seriously powerful bonding.

Now, some of us are working hard to stay in touch, which is professionally smart but also fulfilling in other ways. I miss them terribly. This matters so much to me that words fail here, but this aspect of the workshop was huge. I'm sorrowful, but so very grateful.

Heartfelt thanks to all.

Home Again

2010-08-02T01:05:00.005-04:00

Wow. I just had my life radically altered by Clarion West Writers Workshop. I wish someone had told me coming home would be like ripping my heart out.

It was lovely. It was terrifying. It was complex and full of joy and discovery. It was everything I ever wanted and then some, including things I didn't even know I needed and a bunch of new best friends.

I didn't blog about it during because it's just too damn hard. Some folks did in the past, and I really appreciated their efforts, for giving me a window into that life-changing event before I attended the workshop. I learned that every workshop class has a different experience, that the time we're given is shaped by us, the participants, but there are lots of commonalities, too. Read and compare, if you are a future hopeful.

Over the next few weeks, I'll attempt to reconstruct some of the narrative of my experience there. But it'll be mostly for me, I think. The last six weeks have been so intense and important to my life as a person and as a writer, and I need to decompress and process some of that data, if you know what I mean.

In the meantime, here's photo #1, arrival and unpacking.

Arrival and Ecstasy

2010-06-21T23:21:00.004-04:00

If you've been reading along, you know I'm at the Clarion West Writers Workshop in Seattle, Washington, which is amazing and surreal and a bunch of other words that don't tell much. I will probably post irregularly, and I am beginning to understand why it is officially discouraged. There is far too much other activity and purpose here to spend it doing any writing other than fiction.

Having said that...

The house is like a palace on the bottom (where we eat and talk) and an institution on the top floors (where the writers sleep and work). The administrators are praise-worthy in the extreme. I already feel like I've known them a while, and they work hard to meet our every need (or demand). I nearly fell out of my chair this morning when they announced that there would be a massage therapist coming to the house at intervals to service our cramping shoulders and backs. The food is incredible and constantly available: I will probably gain back every pound I lost in May and then some.

The people, the other writers, are delightful. We're all very different but share that one intensity of purpose. It's sort of like being on a nerdy con panel but small, intimate and regular. So far I've seen work from nine of the eighteen, and they have serious chops. It's good company.

Our first instructor, Michael Bishop, has made me think more about narrative theory in seven or so hours than I've ever done before. Not everything we're discussing is new to me, but bringing it all into focus in one place, and then sitting down to write minutes later, has already produced writing of which I can be proud.

Description is inadequate to convey the experience. Suffice it to say, I'm having a blast though I miss my family, and today I ate a Vegemite sandwich for the first time ever.

Now, back to writing.

Journey's Beginning (Random Pre-flight Ramblings)

2010-06-19T07:44:00.004-04:00

Up early and eager to go. I don't think I've mentioned before that I hate flying with a passion. If I could avoid it in a reasonable manner, I would, but I can't see traveling for days and days clear across the country for this workshop.

So, I'm packing my usual pile of flight survival drugs and earplugs and so on, in hopes that I won't get sick or have to endure excruciating ear pain.

The packing is almost complete, I just have to shuffle things around so my pillow will fit. I'm happy to report that I located a satchel in my closet that will accommodate my groovy but unnecessary doumbek, so now I can add one more parcel to the three I'll already be trying to manage.

Now I've just got to wake my boys so we can finish up and hit the road to the airport.

No Rest for the Weary

2010-06-19T00:31:00.003-04:00

Can't sleep, must pack! And repack, fidget over loose ends and contemplate the prospect of fitting just ONE more thing into the suitcase.

I actually shopped today for a carrying case for my doumbek, but I couldn't find one, so I guess it stays at home. Why do I even think I need that?

Every time I really think about what I'm doing, I feel the urge to vomit. I may yet take some decongestant to knock me out so I don't lie awake for the rest of the night worrying about what I've forgotten to pack (relax, I have a cold, so it's not total drug misuse).

This time tomorrow I will be in Seattle. Terrifying, really.

Countdown

2010-06-14T21:07:00.004-04:00

Clarion West begins in five days. I tried (unsuccessfully) to avoid thinking about the whirlwind adventure waiting for me in Seattle, but now that the days are down to single digits, and friends are wishing me well, I feel pretty scared.

I'm still working through the instructor reading list; I've changed it up a bit from my original plan, and now it's on round two, where each author is going through my brain a second time with a second book. I've been absolutely blown away by Maureen McHugh. If you like Ursula K. Le Guin at all (and I adore her work), then McHugh is for you. I've also been impressed with the style of Ian McDonald, Nnedi Okorafor and Michael Bishop. Reading Graham Joyce's Requiem was a little unpleasant for me, but now that I'm into The Limits of Enchantment, I'm ready to give the author another chance to make a first impression. One more by Bishop and I reach my minimum goal.

Other than that, I've been trying to tie up loose ends and set other bits in motion, in hopes that those plates will still be spinning (how'dya like that mixed metaphor?) when I return from the workshop. A big challenge is figuring out what to pack, and although I've been making the list and assembling the collection of stuff for over a month, now that the time is really upon me, I'm struggling a bit. I realize yet again that I like to be in control of anything and everything that I can. This whole thing is outside my comfort zone, but the nervous part of me has been properly chided by the thrill-seeker and the aggressive self-promoter. I'm almost ready.

I'm not sure how much time I'll get to blog while I'm there; in fact, we are encouraged not to. Other participants have promised a daily update and fallen off halfway due to the demands of the workshop, so I'm not making any promises. But I do hope to document the experience a bit for myself and for future hopefuls because those who did blog gave me a window through which to look and dream.

And then there was Pie (and sand)

2010-06-10T16:46:00.009-04:00

I promised a photo! Thankfully, I took one because, as they say, a picture will last longer. It was GOOD pie. I confess that I ate almost half of the pie all by myself. So much for the low-carb diet.

The delay in posting of the promised pie photo is the result of my family's long-awaited trip to Anna Maria Island, which was incredibly beautiful. The sky was this gorgeous azure, and the water was perfectly clear and aquamarine. There was a moment when the beauty of the water was overwhelming and unreal to my eyes, a solid thing, like a delicately colored piece of plexiglass. Absurd, right?

Unexpectedly, I shed tears when I first touched the water. The oil spill is on the mind of every person along the coast, even though they pretend, like our innkeeper did, that everything is wonderful as usual. I said some prayers, and we had a lovely time for the most part. Mr. B ran himself ragged and fell into bed at 9 PM every single night we were there. I wish I could figure out how to exhaust him that way at home.

The sea turtles were nesting at night, which was something I would have dearly loved to witness, but I was too tired. We did go out each night in the early evening and walk in the twilight. Every night, when the sun touched the horizon, an interesting thing happened. Every person on the beach stopped (except Mr. B, who never stops moving unless he is unconscious) and stared at the sun as it appeared to grow smaller and smaller, and then wink out below the horizon line. It occurred so rapidly, and I found this unceasingly amazing. I mean, Florida is flat, but I rarely see the completion of a sunset because we live in a tree city. I was caught up every night in that motion, startled by it each time. It made me feel very small. It's easy to forget that we live on a enormous ball spinning in space, and then you glimpse it turning.

Blessed be, Gaia. Oshun. Yemaya.

Today is a Blue-fingered Day

2010-05-27T21:59:00.006-04:00

Mr. B had a lucky day, according to reports. I arranged for him and some of his homeschool buds to go to a local blueberry farm, where they loaded up the yummy little gems. I think it's safe to say Mr. B put more berries in his mouth than in his bucket, but he had a blast.

It was blazing hot, of course, a balmy 90 degrees. When I finally sat down in the shade after an hour or so, I was startled that it took so long (about as long as it took for me to get overheated) for me to consider the contrast between my choice of recreation (blueberry picking) and the misery of farmworker labor (blueberry picking). A woman with four children in tow, one just an infant, was picking berries for the company, albeit in a different area, and I never saw her sit down for a break, especially not after such a short time. Just a thought.

The berries are amazing, though, and it was satisfying to pick them myself. It doesn't look like much, but there's more than four pounds in there. I may attempt to bake some sort of pie with them on Friday. There could be pictures!

Sometimes Rejection is Nice

2010-05-25T22:22:00.002-04:00

Or at least when it's nicely worded. I sent off yet another story (actually the same one that keeps getting rejected all over town) to The Future Fire a short while back, and a few days ago, I got a very polite and encouraging response:

"This was a fascinating and well-written piece, with a dual plot arc of
Alice's failing relationship and imploding scientific experiment
working well to offset each other. Apart from being a parable on
scientific catastrophe-making, however, there isn't much
social/political content to the plot of this story, and in the end we
felt it didn't quite fit what we are looking for in TFF at the moment.

We'd like to thank you again for thinking of us with this story, and
wish you the very best with your writing in the future."

How refreshing to receive feedback beyond the typical form letter! It was also a gentle let-down as to the fit of the piece. I've gotten a few rejections in the past that seemed a little snarky, especially coming from amateur 'zines.

In a way, I was also pleased that the placement of my lesbian protagonist doesn't warrant classification as "social/political content." A mute point someday, I hope? I'm a little ticked with myself that I missed out on the submission window for the theme of their previous issue, Queer Sci-fi, where it may have faired better. Just my luck, I guess.

BTW, the letter also stated that The Future Fire is on hiatus until 2011.

Disaster and Heartache

2010-05-20T13:46:00.005-04:00

I've haven't been able to form a response yet to the disaster in the Gulf. It's easier to ignore disaster when it is taking place in some distant place. This is not so far, really, and it's coming closer every moment.

Today, the outer edges of the spill hit the Louisiana coast, in some of the most pristine wildlife areas in the country, as this aerial photo from the AP shows.

My family plans to go to Anna Maria Island in a few weeks, and I'll pray there at the edge of the Gulf. I wasn't sure what I would say until I read this over at T. Thorn Coyle's blog.

As a pagan (not to mention a human with a pulse) who reveres the earth and the ocean, I feel horrified, numb and angry. However, I've been taught to channel feelings like these into positive ends, whenever possible.

To keep from crying about it, I'm trying to DO something, which a feeble thing in the face of the trauma the earth is facing. There's this effort you may have read about, where people are making these crazy-looking things called "hair booms" to soak up the oil. I'm just calling different salons and asking them to participate in the hair collection. One place so far said "yes," the Fantastic Sam's in my town. They have a designated collection bin for hair, so I took my Mr. B there to get his hair trimmed, and made sure he knows that his hair will go to help clean up the spill.

The crummy thing is, while salons all over the country are collecting the hair, BP hasn't agreed to use them in the cleanup). These booms have been shown to work; why wouldn't BP let the people help clean up this horrifying disaster?

Today, I channeled my inner crazy-lady and contacted the Louisiana Office of Homeland Security and Emergency Preparedness, where a woman named Jody was very nice but couldn't tell me why the governor's office isn't pressuring BP to approve the use of the booms, in spite of the fact that there aren't enough of the ineffective plastic ones. It seems strange and outrageous to me that BP has so much control over the cleanup. I called the local paper in Houma, Louisiana, which has recently covered the story about hair collection, and asked a reporter there to pursue it further. We had a effusive conversation, and she agreed to follow up and press the issue (there's a BP response center in Houma).

Then I read that BP may be reconsidering, probably in a PR move.

Makes me want to holler, but maybe some good is coming.

EDIT: Later, when I tried to call the Coast Guard Gulf command office to confirm that BP is waiting for their approval (and to advocate for said approval), they just passed me off to BP Operational Command in Houston (read: nice PR ladies). They had no clue what I was talking about, even though it's been in the news already that they're considering the possibility.
image from www.matteroftrust.org, the organization behind the effort

Adventures in Parenting

2010-05-19T15:52:00.009-04:00

Sometimes a little shutter clicks in my mind, saving a memory under the filename "What Homeschooling Looks Like." It would make a great photo essay, if I'd really been taking photos during these moments when I was busy just living: Mr. B watching PBS in his underwear, Mr. B snoring on the floor of a dewy tent in a campground, Mr. B crouched in the hallway completing a math assignment (his favorite spot for doing homework), or Mr. B squatting on the sidewalk examining a dead lizard through a jeweler's loupe.

Mostly, I trick him into learning stuff while trying hard to listen to a bunch of jabber about his current fixation without going crazy. Lately, it's Ghostbusters, which is hilarious on some level. He's constantly talking about ghosts and making up wacky scenarios about hauntings, drawing pictures, playing the videogame, and watching the movie (although that's tapered off now, thank goodness). He even solicited a special project from my mom, the woman who can make damn near anything out of cardboard, and she constructed a proton pack that fastens to his back with straps she made out of USB lanyards. He wears it everywhere. Can you spot the intrepid heroes on the left, saving NYC?

However, sometimes I do take photos, usually after the fact, to remind myself that the frustration and sacrifice are (mostly) worth the payoff. Today, we made a bird feeding platform from a shelf that I picked up on the side of the road and an old terra cotta flowerpot dish. We installed it outside his window so he can watch birds (one of his Aspie obsessions --could be worse). He can see it from his bunk bed.

A couple of weeks ago, at Florida Pagan Gathering (happy Beltane, BTW), I took a deep breath and let Mr. B off the chain. He romped with his camp buddies and frequently disappeared from my sight, once for over an hour. I even let him participate in the so-called Celtic Games, where men and boys whack each other with boffers shaped like swords and toss big rocks. He took a beating and cheered and hollered himself hoarse, and it was probably the most fun he ever had.

Some days, it's lots of fun being me.

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T20:49:00.002-04:00

Although I kinda bought this for myself yesterday, my new drum contributed to my happy mom's day. Broke it in at our monthly drum circle, too. Hope yours was a good one!

Goodbye to You(s)

2010-05-08T23:23:00.004-04:00

As they say in Jersey, see you(s) around. The term is over! I always feel a flood of relief when classes conclude. I no longer have all these groups of people depending on me to be energetic and helpful. Of course, I still have permanent people fixtures, known and loved, who require those qualities of me, but at least I don't have to pour it out to strangers, for now.

This has been one of my best terms, honestly. I stayed on top of the workload, most of my students were engaged and hard-working (there are always a few who aggravate, wheedle and cheat), and I enjoyed my time with them. However, it's incredibly draining for me, and a distraction from what I want to be doing. I'm glad to be done.

The truly excellent part of the fun is I have no plans to teach for the rest of the year. Summer is Clarion West, and fall is the time when I use all that knowledge I've hopefully gathered to make some magic happen. I also have a homeschooling responsibility that needs ramping up. Mr. B finally starting reading and writing independently this year, and he's primed for big advances now that those building blocks are in place. Double excitement.

More Internet Amazement

2010-04-26T16:27:00.003-04:00

Say what you will, the internet is an amazing place. So many resources exist to help a person do just about anything, from raising chickens to learning to knit. I am quite proud to say that the old series o'tubes has helped me learn, at least in the latter case.

New amazing thing I tried, thanks to my writing buddy Scott W. Baker, is a little thing called Duotrope's Digest. For a newbie writer like me, finding appropriate semi-pro markets is a challenge, but the Digest makes it easy. I can search the database for exactly the type of market that's best for my work.

Maybe I'll figure out how to fit the widget below into my sidebar a bit later when hubbie is home to help with the code.

I submitted a piece yesterday to The Future Fire, a paying semi-pro that specializes in political themes. I hope that my story can find a home there; I'm concerned that the story's lesbian main character may not have been welcome at a couple other places I submitted to.

We shall see! It's good to get back to the work that's important to me, now that the term is coming to an end.

On Skimpy Blogging, and Cabbage

2010-04-17T17:01:00.004-04:00

Not been much going on here lately, huh? I've been keeping super-busy with end-of-term preparations, homeschooling, Clarion fixations (such as ever-expanding reading and packing lists), and gardening.

I do love digging in the dirt. My black thumb syndrome has dramatically improved this past year, but I was beginning to think the spring window was going to zoom right by, and I wasn't going to get enough new planting done.

However, last weekend I cleared out a lot of old growth and this weekend, I have been working to replant. One exciting aspect of this is the opportunity to eat up remaining foodstuffs that were grown by the earth in my front yard and cultivated by my own hands. It's a thrill, if you've never done it.

Here, three heads of cabbage that came straight from the garden into the pot. It was peppery and delicious. I have a couple more to go before that particular bed can be replanted, but I put out a bunch of bell pepper seedlings and I'll probably put in the hot pepper ones tomorrow. Yum!

Of course, I should be writing.

Can I Have a Bunker, too?

2010-04-10T20:45:00.005-04:00

If I had $10 million, I could realize the post-apolocalyptic American Dream: the self-sufficient underground condo, for me and 200 friends!

Or maybe I could just write a story about it.

Read the article at NPR.

Mr. B is Cute and Online!

2010-04-03T23:00:00.005-04:00

Mr. B had his portrait painted by an artist, a person he's never met! Ahh, the magic of the internet.

The talented artist, Karen Schmidt, has a blog called Send Me Your Head, which is just what it sounds like. Send Karen a headshot, and you may get to see it transformed into a painting.

Apparently, Karen is attempting to complete a portrait a day, which is a mighty undertaking. The procrastinating writer could learn a thing or two about dedication from this...

The truly amazing thing is that the portraits are 3" x 3" in size. How does she do that?

In the photo I sent, Mr. B was actively channeling David Tennant, of recent Dr. Who fame, who is one his favorite actors (and mine).

Less bad, more good

2010-03-31T16:48:00.003-04:00

Well, I did it; I broke down and went to the doctor. Aside from the cost, I just dislike going for medical help. I'd rather take care of myself, be all holistic and stuff. That usually translates into weeks of illness, but luckily only once or twice a year. This year has been no different. After two weeks of coughing, part of which included being unable to speak for days, and feeling poorly, I gave in. Now I've got antibiotics and nasal spray and pills galore.

Consequence? Feeling less bad, but still not great. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my week off.

The ever-present, silver-lining analysis is that I got to finish Ian McDonald's The Broken Land in record time because I've been lounging around reading, in addition to watching the extended versions of The Lord of the Rings DVD set and most episodes of Firefly. And eating ramen.

Today, I got up off the couch and cleaned my desk! Woo! Then I jumped on the computer and did my best to whip three other people into action on an academic manuscript we've been aggressively procrastinating with for almost a year. It occurred to me that my timetable for completing the job before summer is fairly short, and after summer, I don't plan to care about academic garbage for a long while.

It has been a pretty good day.

A Clarion West Reading List

2010-03-25T17:32:00.005-04:00

Hooray for Spring Break! Now I can tackle more of my reading list for Clarion West more effectively. The instructors, of course, are Michael Bishop, Maureen McHugh, Nnedi Okorafor, Graham Joyce, Ellen Datlow and Ian McDonald.

I've finished Maureen McHugh's China Mountain Zhang, her first novel and an engrossing multi-perspective future piece. The short version: China basically runs the world after a revolution in the U.S., and we've colonized Mars with climate-controlled habitat domes. But that's not what it's about. It's a character-driven story, and I loved those characters. I didn't want the book to end.

I'm now reading Ian McDonald's The Broken Land, which is probably set in one of the weirdest future Earths I've ever read. I'm not sure I can adequately describe it in brief! It has compelling characterization, too, but I'm most intrigued by the fluid manner in which McDonald switches from third to second person, from past to present tense, as suits the scene, often in mid-scene or even mid-sentence. It feels unexpected and sometimes jarring but always appropriate.

The rest of the list:

Eyes of Fire, Michael Bishop
The Shadow Speaker, Nnedi Okorafor
Requiem, Graham Joyce
Speaking in Tongues, Ian McDonald
Stolen Faces, Michael Bishop
Desolation Road Ian McDonald
King of Morning, Queen of Day, Ian McDonald

I'd like to add some more of McHugh, Joyce and Okorafor's works to the list; this was just what I was able to get at my local used book store and on paperbackswap.com. Randy Henderson, a Clarion West 2009 grad, has suggested that folks also look at the Nebula Awards Showcase for 2009, edited by Ellen Datlow. I've been looking over some of Datlow's horror editing, but horror is really not my genre at all.

In Which the SIlence is Lifted

2010-03-22T23:25:00.008-04:00

At least, the Clarion West "radio silence" is over. I can officially announce my acceptance, not that I've been as quiet as I should have been (it's really difficult). Shout it from the rooftops! Except I still can't talk above a whisper without strain. Argh! Oh, wait. I can't even say "argh."

When I applied last year to the Clarion West Writers Workshop, I took two "bathroom mirror" photos of myself, one with the Acceptance Face that can be seen here, and the Rejection Face, which I was too deflated to use in my 2009 rejection post. Don't ask why. If you've played the Clarion waiting game, you probably know that it has serious side effects on your sanity. The photo's a little myspace-ish, but what the heck.

The stupified expression I'm sporting in the photo is appropriate, as it turns out. When I got the call, my brain turned to mush and made me incoherent. I'd gone for a walk and left my phone at home, and there was a voicemail waiting from Seattle when I returned. I called back immediately without collecting my thoughts, which may not have helped matters anyway. Enter the gibbering idiot. I probably said "wow" and "thank you" about ten times each and failed to process much of what was being said on the other end, except the part about acceptance. Yikes! I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this instant moron reaction, as a few of my future classmates have expressed the same.

While waiting to share the news, I have to say that my overall response to this turn of events has not been quite what I expected. Instead of triumph and elation, I think the word for what I'm feeling comes somewhere between anticipation and terror. Kinda like I felt right before walking down the aisle at my wedding. Attending the workshop involves sacrifice, not just a financial one and not just on my part; plus, it's an opportunity that, I think, comes with a certain kinda price tag, an obligation to live up to the faith being placed in me, both during and after. Most importantly after. I hope I can, more than anything.

Needless to say, I'm already planning what to pack.

EDIT: Oops. I didn't apply to Clarion West in 2009. Rather, I applied to Clarion (San Diego), which is a whole different workshop. Maybe I am a little giddy after all.

Happy Ostara, Everyone!

2010-03-20T09:42:00.003-04:00

Today is the Spring Equinox in the western hemisphere, also known as Ostara. One of the aspects of Earth-based practice I enjoy most is the idea that for half of the year, we are celebrating growth of the new (including ideas) and harvest, while the other half we are letting go of that which does not serve. It's a good, balanced philosophy that works toward wholeness and always inspires me as a writer.

Here's a meditation in observance, from T. Thorn Coyle.

"We are the coming together of disparate things.

We are the opening dawn of a new spring.

Oh radiant light that burns in each heart, fill us with the power of desire. Oh radiant light, that burns in each mind, teach us to know, clearly, what we seek. Oh radiant light that burns in each now, show us how to lead the way to justice and to beauty. Let us be on fire, like burning suns and stars. Let us shine, giving glimmering hope to that which has been heretofore obscured.

The fertile darkness opens to receive the sun. Something new is growing, bursting through fresh earth."

Ah-ha

2010-03-19T14:28:00.003-04:00

My brain is officially back online. I have ideas and stuff. Sound card still malfunctioning. Write on!

A Silence Descends (for now)

2010-03-19T12:52:00.005-04:00

I have no voice! In more ways than one. This is extremely hard on me as a super-jabber type. Yesterday was another complete waste due to this awful throat infection. I got out of the house briefly to go to my book club, but I really shouldn't have because now my voiced is tapped out.

Overall, I feel somewhat better. This improved vigor is dampened, however, by the release of the latest round of rejections from Clarion West. I've been getting to know these hard-working, bright people who seem to have a lot in common with me (for one, a lot of them teach = much respect). Speaking from last year's experience, rejection is hard to take when you've pinned your hopes and plans for the future, or at least your summer, on something that may not happen. And, unfortunately, the kindly worded rejection doesn't shed much light on the reason your work wasn't selected.

After the rejection I got last year, I did some real soul-searching in order to determine for myself the extent to which "the Clarion dream" was just a foolish fantasy (for me). Did my work merit the time the readers put into it? What did it lack? What could I do better? What books should I read to improve? And worst of all, should I just give it up?

For me, anyway, the answers to most of the questions didn't matter. I had done all I could at that point, except work more consistently. As for the last one, writing is important enough to me that I won't be stopping.

To my fellow hopefuls, please take heart. Don't stop. Not ever.

(More) Whining, groaning, sniffling

2010-03-17T19:04:00.006-04:00

Ugh. I am so sick. I knew I was sick on Tuesday morning, but instead of staying home like a good girl, I went on a field trip to Animal Kingdom with Mr. B's homeschoolers' group. I thought I would faint half the time we were there, but the kids had a great time, and I just collapsed after I got back home. I couldn't/wouldn't move this morning (and didn't even get out of bed until noon); I had to cancel my classes, again. Luckily, I could email and call and take care of the details without getting out of bed. Thank Gods for smart phones. Poor Mr. B had to get his own cereal and entertain himself (which isn't hard for him, fortunately).

In better news, I got the first issue of my Locus subscription today, good stuff. Dense. I flipped through and set it down for further reading when my brain comes back online.

I've been working on my Clarion West reading list. I finished Maureen McHugh's China Mountain Zhang a few days ago, and I truly enjoyed it. I may write a little review sooner or later (like I said, when brain function returns). I started Ian McDonald's The Broken Land a bit ago, but at some point I sat in front of the laptop and started watching The Guild and couldn't stop.

Bleh. Hope I feel better tomorrow. Today feels wasted.

The View From Here (in which some whining is heard)

2010-03-12T14:07:00.007-05:00

It's been raining for two days straight, and I feel like I'm going to sink down into depression if it doesn't stop. The weather has that effect on me. It's a good thing I don't live in the Northwest or in England, or some other place where it rains or looks overcast all the time. This drives the Florida girl crazy.

At least the cabbage plants (on the far right) enjoy the rain. They have been growing steadily and forming nice, firm heads without any effort from me whatsoever. The mustard (in the foreground) have finally bolted so maybe next week I can collect seeds.

Mr. B has an earache, and now he's watching Race to Witch Mountain over and over. Ugh. There's only so much I can take of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, explosions, and so on.

I'm also pacing and then leaping to the phone every time it rings, in hopes that it's Clarion calling. Sigh. I said I wouldn't freak out this year, but as time passes, I've become more agitated.

All Quiet (Except for Godzilla)

2010-03-10T17:07:00.002-05:00

The Internets are atwitter with news that a gobbet of rejection flew out of Clarion (San Diego) in the past twenty-four hours, but as for me, no news from Clarion West yet. I feel weirdly blocked during the wait. I haven't written anything since the deadline for submission passed on March 1.

I know I should be doing the opposite, writing like crazy to stave off the anxiety, but it seems I'd rather not think about it at all. If I don't think about it, the rejection won't arrive, or something like that.

Plus, it's a little hard to concentrate with Mr. B sick (again); he's curled up on the couch watching Godzilla: Tokyo SOS over and over. Now, if I was writing a giant monster story, that would make a great writing soundtrack, but...

My Clarion Essay

2010-03-06T21:43:00.003-05:00

Applicants to Clarion West Writer's Workshop have to write a letter of introduction, presumably for instructors to preview. Of course, we all hope that the letter exerts other (positive) influence during the selection of candidates. A few fellow applicants are sharing theirs on blogs and such, so here's mine. I tried to write from the heart; hope it doesn't bore anyone to tears.

As a writing instructor at a community college, I enjoy helping others learn to express their thoughts in writing, and I think I'm pretty good at it. I have a BA in English and a Master's degree in Women's Studies. I first encountered the workshop method in the English program and did four terms of short story and poetry workshop there. Often, I worked with people who resisted the workshop process because they felt their writing was art, and art need not yield to criticism. Another sad aspect of the program was its hostility to science fiction and fantasy. Fortunately, the experience hasn't dampened my enthusiasm for either, or my desire to attend Clarion.
   The Women's Studies program prepared me to write science fiction in ways my instructors would probably never have guessed. My MA thesis concerned women writers and utopian fiction, which was a guarantee that I could spend hours reading back issues of Science Fiction Studies and Utopian Studies in the stacks of the campus library, plus all the utopian and dystopian novels I could get my hands on. A pleasing side effect of the research was my first professional publication, on the same topic. I learned a great deal about science fiction criticism and applied a fresh eye to aspects of works I had formerly enjoyed for their entertainment value alone. Of course, the program also taught me a tremendous amount about gender analysis, which is sometimes but not always important to science fiction. This is not to say I converted from a naive reader to a joyless analyzer of theme, plot, characterization and so forth. Rather, my enjoyment was magnified by that critical understanding, as was my desire to write my own quality stories.
   Like many writers, I have been writing since childhood. Writing is a smaller portion of my life than I'd like for it to be, but it is an immensely satisfying part. When I'm not grading papers for class, helping my son with his homework, performing various volunteer tasks, escaping in a sci-fi novel or walking the dog, I'm writing. I write a monthly feature for a local newspaper and write pieces here and there for academic publications, but my passion is science fiction. Reams of notes and hours of voice memos are filled with story seeds and half-remembered dreams, working in my subconscious until I can sit at the computer and work the ideas into stories.
   I recently emerged from the office after two solid hours of keyboard-pounding, with what must have been a triumphant expression, when my spouse said something that completely floored me. He remarked, "I can see this is what you're meant to do." He was observing my exultant behavior, but he rarely sees the work itself. I submit to publications and have online buddies who occasionally critique my writing, but my husband is too biased to be my first reader. However, his words that day hit home because they felt true. To say that writing makes me happy only makes a vague swipe at description of my inner experience; it's an inadequate understatement of the obsessive, focused, thrilling condition that overtakes me.
   After years of jotting notes and fantasizing about the types of fictional worlds I want to create, I've now given myself permission to take that work seriously. I typically have several stories in process, and I have submitted a handful of shorts which have been politely rejected. I keep working on the parts of a novel that will one day click into place. This feels by turns incredibly frustrating and delightful, which (I've been told) means I'm doing something right. However, I can't shake the feeling that something is missing, and if I could just figure out what that is, something amazing might happen.
   At Clarion, I hope to develop a quicker, more critical eye that I can use to hone the writing that I'm doing into something professionally viable. I want to work hard and fast, and ultimately learn what's working and what not. I crave the focused intensity of the experience and the intelligent company of other writers who feel the same. I'd also like to know that I'm on the right track, creatively, or if I should pack it in and stick to my day job.

As an avid reader and writer from a young age, I wish to explore my own potential and soothe (or perhaps ignite) the craving I seem to have, the insistent urge to create the kind of fiction that has entertained and inspired me for so long.

Vonnegut's Rules for Writing

2010-02-28T20:38:00.002-05:00

Ripped from the pages of Wikipedia:

In his book Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction, Vonnegut listed eight rules for writing a short story:

Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.

Start as close to the end as possible.

Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

My Brain Hurts

2010-02-28T20:08:00.009-05:00

I apologize in advance for the rambling...

Too much is going on in here! I'm still thinking and working on the new story, "Her Bones, The Bones of the Dead," which I was half-hoping to finish in time for submission to Clarion (San Diego) by tomorrow's deadline. However, I've been UU-ing all weekend and feel a bit used up!

It sounds weird, but more than one person has told me lately that I'm a good leader and would make a good minister, the kind of thing I was thinking myself, late last year. I've pushed that into the background so I could stay focused on writing. Now, I've been asked to serve the UU in a greater capacity (though, of course, not as a minister), and I took three whole days to think it over before saying "yes."

I'm still writing because writing means a great deal to me. That is unlikely to change. I can't explain why. It's hard to describe although folks are always trying (read some of the responses to Jamie Grove's "Writing Is..." post to see what I mean).

I actually found myself wondering what would happen if I wrote about UU stuff. Maybe this is not entirely off-base, as there's at least one sci-fi story out there that deals with UUism in the future. Wish I could remember the title! BTW, Kurt Vonnegut, Rod Serling and Ray Bradbury, among others, were UUs.

Unitarian Universalism is trying hard to be the religion of the future, but they're not quite there yet. I was proud to be present for Rev. Bonnie Devlin's talk today, in which she charged UU folks to grow up and get off their butts so the message of UUism can get out there into the world.

Writing Advice from the Pros

2010-02-23T11:43:00.004-05:00

Sage and humorous advice for writers, from writer s. I needed to hear this today, as I am feeling a wee bit discouraged.

Common themes: don't use adverbs, stop beating yourself up, cut and cut some more, quit worrying about the dirty dishes, keep writing no matter what.

My personal favorite (for today, anyway)?

"Only bad writers think that their work is really good." (Anne Enright)

Do I Suck?

2010-02-23T09:48:00.006-05:00

A rejection from Andromeda Spaceways already. I just submitted it three days ago! This rapid return disturbs me a little, especially since it's the same story I'm hoping will get me into Clarion West.

I'm holding out hope that it was rejected for a formatting issue rather than on the basis of quality. Apparently, Google Docs doesn't translate very cleanly into RTF; a very nice person from ASIM named Lucy notified me right away that the formatting was off a little. The double-spacing had reverted to single, bits that should have been centered (like the title and section break indicators they ask for) were not, and chunks of messy code replaced other formatting I used. Color me mortified.

While waiting for this new rejection (and maybe Clarion's), I have been trying very hard to ramp up my writing-and-research mode. I'm working (still) on the "birthday story," which was supposed to be a gift for my hubbie in January but is shaping up nicely, and I've subscribed to Locus and done more market research.

Argh. Maybe I'll go back to bed.

I Submit!

2010-02-19T23:51:00.003-05:00

Getting a little cranked up by the Clarion buzz, so I submitted a piece to Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine, in Australia. The Internets make such things possible.

Now, I have a spreadsheet set up for tracking submissions, and I plan to fill it up. This gives me something else to look forward to while I wait for word from Clarion, even if this means more rejections.

I also considered submitting to Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show, but since the story's protagonist is gay and OSC is against "that kind of thing," I think I'll pass. No need to beat my head against that wall, even if he's passed the helm onto another editor. Maybe next time.

Clarion West, and a theft

2010-02-18T12:31:00.005-05:00

I'm thoughtful and mostly calm about my Clarion West application, so far, not like last year's histrionics. I finally joined the online forum for applicants, so I feel connected to the collective angst.

For my application, I submitted a revision of the story that I used last year as one of two stories for Clarion (the other one), and it feels a little crummy to do that. First, if it wasn't accepted last year, why use it again? I'm convinced it's a promising story, and I made some changes for the better. Second, I realized I've been working since last year on two stories that I've not yet finished. To be fair, one is a novel, and I wrote several flash pieces in the meantime, but the output otherwise is pathetically low. One thing that NaNoWriMo taught me is to let go of some responsibilities so I can write more, but the increase in pace has been marginal.

So, what's the problem? Some of it, I think, is the fact that my favorite ideas, the unfinished ones, are ones that began with a seed, not a whole picture, whereas the finished ones hit me all at once. They were complete pictures that just needed to find a way out onto the page. I'm still floundering around trying to figure out what those unfinished stories are really about and how I want them to end. Now, I know that's not inherently a bad thing, but I get stuck and can't seem to get unstuck.

The other issue is discipline. If I don't work consistently, it's not going to happen. I spend way more time reading than writing.

Anyway, enough whining.

On another note, someone stole a big wooden statue of Buddha from my front porch. What kind of dick steals a Buddha? It galls me a bit. I don't feel especially angry, though. I hope thieving individual at least gets some spiritual satisfaction out of it, however tainted. I should write about it, if for no other reason than spite.

God, help me!

2010-02-12T17:35:00.007-05:00

I'm over halfway through Dead Until Dark, and a part of me wishes I'd never picked it up. Morbid curiosity, I reckon. Lite reading, because I'm supposed to be concentrating on writing, but I still need something to read while I eat my oatmeal.

I'm not one for vamp books (trashier versions of romance novels, generally), but I do like some vamp television, especially Buffy. The True Blood adaptation of the Sookie Stackhouse series is my guilty pleasure, with an extra helping of guilt. I feel nervous about exposing my affection for it; will you think less of me? Hey, what I am going to watch, now that Dollhouse is over and done?

We at my house are not big TV watchers, but as a writer, I am obsessed with story anymore, and grab at it any place I can find it. Harris's book is one of those rare examples of those proving not as good as the adaptation, unfortunately. It sort of tanks along and is written so lazily that I'm blowing through it. Very low reading level, but by far better in terms of characterization and setting than Twilight (ugh). I couldn't choke down more than fifteen pages of that absolutely terrible book. Heroines need to have spunk, and vampires should bite people.

FIN

Moon

2010-02-09T16:42:00.004-05:00

I rarely write about film, but I love the indie flick I watched last night (thank you, Netflix!) called Moon. It's gotten rave reviews from some, and terrible ones from others. From a storytelling perspective, I thought it was a delight.

This film had classic sci-fi style that I haven't seen since 2010. The film definitely has a flaw or two, but you gotta love Kevin Spacey as the voice of a robot, and the slow, slightly creepy style the film evokes.

The star, Sam Rockwell, gives it an "unknown" flavor, but he's had a number of wildly different roles over the years (notably, Zaphod Beeblebrox in the recent big-screen Hitchhiker's adaptation). He's slated as Justin Hammer in the upcoming sequel to Iron Man, and he was in Gentlemen Broncos, which is on my to-be-watched list.

Sam (name of the character as well as the actor) is the sole operator of a cold fusion mining operation on the moon, serving out a three-year contract. It gets lonely and cabin-feverish up there, with only a emoticon-faced robot to talk to, and Sam starts to go a little wonky.

Moon serves up some twists and turns, as well as a little humor, so avoid spoilers like IMDb if you want the full effect. My husband and I had to force ourselves to stop speculating aloud every few minutes concerning the outcome, even though it's loaded with foreshadowed story elements. Rated R, but only for the repeated use of the F-word.

Mr. B strolled in and out of the room while we were watching and was apparently bored by the lack of action. But not all science fiction is about action when there's a good story.

More Ways to Avoid Writing

2010-02-04T14:47:00.003-05:00

Having twentysomethings for friends makes RockBand a lot more fun, 'cause they can sing all the hip emo stuff I don't know.

Whereas I can sing along with The Who and Rush and stuff. What else am I going to do on a Sunday night? Grade papers? Write?

Tickle, tickle

2010-01-21T10:33:00.002-05:00

Five whole weeks without a post! No excuse really. I wasn't too busy or any of that. I just didn't feel like it. The break between semesters was very relaxing, and I've been reading a lot, which feels something like getting to eat your fill when you're hungry (I would think). I finally felt a tiny tickle in the back of my mind this morning that said, "psst! Yer blog is fallow, you know."

The new term is off and running, and I've found some kind of groove that is making the classes easy and satisfying. My students are raptly attentive, and I'm feeling a little perplexed and extremely grateful. In spite of that, I've given notice concerning my desire to take the next two terms off; I want to focus on writing, Mr. B, and community service. Writing, of course, is the one that's getting the least attention.

The only big news is that my sister had her baby; I can't wait until spring break so I can go up to NY to see them.

I've stopped watching news about Haiti because it makes me cry; I've lost myself in Children of God by Mary Doria Russell, which puts a sci-fi spin on the old "why-God-makes-bad-things-happen" theme.

New Mac finally arrives!

2009-12-12T15:55:00.005-05:00

Hooray! My new Mac is here. After a mildly amusing prank, in which my hubbie's co-workers carefully opened the package containing the laptop and successfully replaced it with a frosted, sprinkled donut, the MacBook Pro made its way home to our messy home office.

I won't slobber on about it too much, but it's awesome. The keys have a lovely, velvety feel compared to the clunk-clunk of the old one, and it's quick. The first thing we did with it ('cause stuff like that has significance in our house) was take some pictures. Then we watched Lady Gaga videos. Silly, but SWEET.

More on Pagan Clergy

2009-12-03T12:59:00.003-05:00

A little while back, I mentioned my interest in seminary training, and last week I had the opportunity to speak at the UU on the topic after another speaker canceled.

Not like I'm an expert or anything, but the idea that the diverse and independent family of earth-centered traditions could use some educated spokespersons is not new. It is, I think, getting more attention lately as the population of folks identifying as pagan grows.

You can listen here if you're interested in pagan ethics or my opinions on the need for clergy.

The End of NaNoWriMo

2009-12-01T12:02:00.005-05:00

It's over, finally. NaNoWriMo was highly motivational, with the online tools and forums and all that good stuff. Unfortunately (and you knew this was coming), I allowed life to run rough-shod over my goals for that little project, and I ended up with under 6,000 words in a month that was meant to produce 50K.

However...

It was amazing what I was able to accomplish. A revamped, comprehensive outline of the entire novel is drafted out, and a prologue plus three complete chapters are written. I experimented with several point-of-view shifts before settling. I also did an analysis of several fantasy novels that provided me with new insight into how fantasy narrative flows. In short, I broke practically every NaNoWriMo commandment: don't plot, don't stop, don't look back, don't edit. But I still produced something I'm proud of, and I have confidence that I can build on that work. As the month went on, ideas for plot became clearer and made more sense, and characterization (which was my biggest stumbling block, really, trying to make my people do what I wanted them to do) started to gel. Overall, it was an exciting experience that pushed me to do something I didn't think I could do.

It taught me a few things about myself and my life, too. I've been saying for a long time that I'm over-committed to volunteer activities, and mid-month I had a reason and the gumption to call it quits on two major responsibilities. Several people are unhappy with me now, but I tried to quit in a graceful way that indicated to others that now it's someone else's turn to serve. That may be the best accomplishment of the month.

Thanks, Office of Letters and Light. Even though I not among the 19% who reached the goal, I still appreciate the lessons learned in the attempt.

How to avoid writing

2009-11-17T21:07:00.002-05:00

I spent over an hour today creating a better outline for the novel, which makes me feel like I am totally back on track. I typed it and everything. I divided the general outline I had before into Part I and Part II, then outlined rough chapter divisions and scenes. Maybe a little too confining, according to some who would rather wing it all the way. However, I need something in between the chaos of total unrestrained creativity (which turns out to be less fun than it sounds) and controlled structure. I think I've got that now.

But then...

I went back and edited. I know! I'm not supposed to do that, but it's been very hard to avoid the temptation, so I gave in. I wanted to rewrite the whole thing in past tense, third person, which is where I should have started in the first place, but I tried in vain to plow on ahead and just change it later. Now it's all consistent --whew! Sometimes being an uptight grammar teacher stinks.

Wherein She (Sighs) and Some Whining is Heard

2009-11-16T22:43:00.005-05:00

I just need to get this out:

I'm really struggling with the NaNoWriMo novel. I'm making more time to write, but I keep getting frozen. Sometimes it's there, and I write for like crazy for an hour or so. Presto, a decent scene happens. Other times, I'm just staring at it, and nothing is working. I have an outline and everything! I'm not feeling it, but I know it'll come back because it has before.

I'm supposed to be at +15K, and I haven't quite rounded 6K. I've changed tense and recently, point-of-view. Both changes were good, and I did not waste time going back to edit in the new modes. I'm trying to be optimistic, to believe that the plot will snap into place and everything will flow the right way.

Admittedly, I'm distracted by other things (teaching three classes, homeschooling, rebooting our pagan group, gardening), but at least I'm putting the time in. I'm pleased to report that I've officially quit one of the committees I was chairing at the UU, and I'm working on letting go of two other obligations. Very liberating, although it was very hard to initiate. I hate letting people down.

I'm not giving up on what makes me happy!

Does this mean I'm old?

2009-11-12T12:27:00.002-05:00

I'm so psyched to discover that NPR has an iPhone app!

A Sample of the Novel

2009-11-10T12:44:00.003-05:00

Kind of fantasy, the first of that type for me. In this scene, Ina, the protagonist, is recovering from a nasty knock given to her by her mother, the Queen Mother, while her bratty sister mocks her. Hopefully, it's not totally dreadful!

In the kitchen, Martik sponged at my head with a rough cloth and wrung it out over a pail of cool water.
"What's all the fuss?" my sister asked, using her foot to shove past the shaggy scullery dog that slept by the woodstove.
"Your sister bumped her head sparring, it's only a scratch," said Martik with a patient smile. He patted my throbbing head again, then handed the cloth to her.
"Here, Eresh, tend to your sister," said Martik.
"What? Where's Old Nish? I don't want to!" Eresh said.
"Mind me, dear one," Martik said in a gruff voice. Then, more gently to me, he said, "Ina, I'm heading to stables. Come back out when you've recovered a bit. Oh, I beg your pardon, Old Nish." He stepped aside at the door to let an old woman pass in through the door from the courtyard, then went out. Old Nish stomped the snow from her feet and unwrapped her gray head.
"What's this, then?" Old Nish said, glaring at Martik's retreat and the muddy footprints around the hearth. She strode over and snatched the rag from Eresh. Her wrinkled lips pursed into a frown as she inspected the wound. "This gash will need herballing. Oh, yes, that it will."
"Tsk, tsk. I thought it was just a scratch," said Eresh in a mocking tone.
Old Nish ignored her, and said "Fetch some clean water, there you go, Eresh," shoving the pail in my sister's direction.
"But it's cold out there!"
"Go now, girl, afore my boot finds your backside!"
"I thought fetching water was servants' work," Eresh said in a haughty tone reserved for those beneath her. She shot a significant glare at Old Nish's back but was paid no mind. On the way out, she slammed the door a little harder than necessary.
"Oh, my pet," crooned Old Nish, turning back to me. "What's happened to you now? Sit back there, I'll get your boots." Adjusting her skirts, the old servant crouched near my seat by the hearth and removed each of my boots in turn. "Ah, yes, oh dear." A sizable pebble fell from one boot.
"Just a bit of sparring, Nish. I'm alright."
"Sparring with whom? Looks like a Southern savage has beat you about the head!"
"And the chest!" I opened my shirtfront a button or two where purplish welts could be seen.
"A pox on the Southern savage," said Nish, smirking and busying herself with the second boot.
"Nish! Stop that silly talk," I said with a laugh, but laughter was painful. I winced and ran my hand through my tangled hair. Black like the Regent's and like the Queens of old. Black Goddess, they called my mother. My hand had a spot of blood on it. "I was sparring with Mother."
"Oh, child," Nish said. She straightened up and touched my hair tenderly, careful to avoid the injury. "It's not an easy life, is it?"

Alive and Humming

2009-11-10T11:30:00.005-05:00

Back from FPG, and as usual, humming with extraordinary amounts of energy to DO something, almost to the point of being pained by it. I attended some amazing workshops and went to sleep at decent times, foregoing the crazy all-night pleasures of drum circle, at least for this festival. I enjoyed lots of intelligent conversation around the campfire, and I let my cellphone die (even while others were using theirs to obssess over Facebook and incessently check email). We roasted marshmallows (a lot), I unplugged! Except for the little bit (wah) of writing I did on the laptop, I didn't miss being plugged in.

I didn't take any pictures because attendees are really not allowed to, but you can see the photos the camp photographer took in Spring at the website; the ones for this past weekend should be up soon. Click the left scroll to see my ugly mug. That picture in the slide show is not the worst ever taken of me, but it ranks up there for my menfolk. That's the joy of dancing all night, sleeping on the ground and walking around with bedhead (uh, sleeping-bag-head) because you left your hairbrush at home.

Part of the reason I enjoy this festival so much is the escape it provides from daily responsibilities. I can think better, more clearly, I can just BE, for hours on end. This always leads to some change in my thinking and my life, which can probably be seen in the posts related to the Spring festival. This time, I came back with a strange desire to attend seminary (really!), a more grounded sense of what it means to be a parent, and more insight into how I can better serve the pagan community. Makes me wonder what insanity/brilliance I could get up to if I had more opportunity for solitude/reflection.

Anyhow, I wrote something like 240 words the entire weekend; in spite of all the personal progress and relaxation I experienced, this sucks. I knew it would be tough to miss that many days during NanNoWriMo, but I thought I'd write more at camp. Wednesday through Sunday night was shot as far as NaNoWriMo goes. Strangely, I don't feel too freaked by that, though. I spent some time working on the book last night and easily wrote over 400 words in about 45 minutes. It's a passage I feel good about, so it's not completely an issue of quantity over quality. For me, some words are better than no words.

At least I rounded the 3K mark! 47, 000 more to go. I'm doubling up this week to catch up.

The Aggravation of Present Tense

2009-11-03T22:42:00.004-05:00

Working on the NaNoWriMo story, I realize something about my fiction; I don't usually enjoy reading first-person present tense (for example, "Bring me the cup," she says, "and I'll prove it's not poison. So, I walk over to where she sits at the table and hand her the wooden chalice. She drinks deeply...), but I keep writing in it. One of my '09 Clarion submissions was written this way. I'm not supposed to be editing at this stage of the novel, but I had to go back and change to past tense before I went on ("Bring me the cup," she said, "and I'll prove it's not poison. So, I walked over to where she sat at the table and handed her the wooden chalice. She drank deeply...), and it simply seems more natural. I recognize that it works better this way; hopefully this is breakthrough stuff because I'm already feeling a little freaked that the story is trying to write itself in some awkward way that's not comfortable for me. But I am cranking some generally good stuff, I think.

Back to it.

To V or Not to V

2009-11-03T21:30:00.003-05:00

Okay, that's really awful. I must be tired. So, I've spent a productive day tidying up loose ends so I can enjoy the rest of my week, stress-free, at Florida Pagan Gathering (camping+bonfires+hopefully, writing), and then I procrastinated the night away watching the pilot episode of the new "V."

Tiny review, with spoilers: not bad, but not great, either. I love the cast they've assembled, including Battlestar, Firefly and 4400 alumni, but that's no guarantee. Morena Baccarin as Anna the alien Visitor is dead-on, easily the best casting choice and acting talent. I love Alan Tudyk (FBI guy) and Joel Gretsch (a young priest) although lately Alan Tudyk's stint against type as Alpha on Dollhouse totally tagged him as potential baddie, which this episode quickly confirmed. However, the show's major problem, so far, is pacing. It felt like several episodes crammed into one: don't set up a crazy-sounding conspiracy theory group and reveal that they're legit in the same hour, don't try to make the viewer like your platonic-nice-guy FBI partner and then reveal him to be an vicious alien bad guy, don't hand us a likable priest who doubts the Vatican's word that the Visitors are a blessing from God and then have him joining a potentially violent resistance group. I like characters who with rounded corners and angsty hearts go through gradual changes of motivation, give up on their dreams or compromise their ethics for the greater good with lots mental hand-wringing. V just isn't capturing that.

Enough talk! Me write now.

Aahh! Progress?

2009-11-02T21:33:00.005-05:00

I can't seem to hit my NaNoWriMo word count goal, and it's only the second day. Every time I sit down to write, I crank out a bit more, maybe a opening of a scene, then I start nodding off! What the hell? And, funny. I don't feel sleepy now that I've stopped.

Still, 2585 words for what amounts to possibly three hours of drafting is not bad. It's more than I would have done. The story isn't exactly taking the shape I want yet, but the outline is there. Maybe I will post of synopsis of the outline on Tuesday.

Going to bed to try again in the morning. That seems to be my best time to write, overall, even though I am not a morning person.

Check out my Mighty Novel Progress Log! Cheesy, maybe, but what can I say? I'm a visual gal.

In the beginning...

2009-11-01T22:32:00.002-05:00

In a little over an hour, I've managed 1557 words for the kick-off of NaNoWriMo. Admittedly, a portion was a prologue I wrote for this story a while back, but that's the story I want to tell right now. After a busy day, I think the progress is not too shabby.

Falling asleep over the keyboard, gonna head to bed. More reflective writing tomorrow, I'm sure.

Here We Go!

2009-11-01T00:19:00.003-04:00

I had ambitions to stay up late and complete my first few hundred words for NaNoWriMo--haha! Too much Halloween fun. But I have been working hard all week to mentally prepare, and I spent a bit of time this evening trying to convince my friend Mark to take the challenge, for mutual moral support. He's a natural storyteller with three chapters down already, a synopsis of which I was happy to hear tonight (he's building a YA story, kind of a Prairie-Home-Companion-meets-Practical-Magic, with several points of view, not something I feel good about doing in my writing).

I've been reading everything but my outline and notes, with plans to set aside No Plot, No Problem as well as Novelist's Essential Guide to Creating Plot when the writing begins. Lots of how-to books on writing are terrible, but some are at least inspiring. Between the two (and I want it to be known that the latter was chosen without even a passing thought to the irony of the pairing) I've got a good feeling about the level of outlining I've done. I don't want to overthink it, and I don't want to work aimlessly.

One fun preparation activity suggested by the "NPNP" kit is called the Magna Carta I and II. Part I asks you to list novel elements you really love in novels (a few of mine were utopias, generation ships, forests and quests), and Part II asks for things you despise (such as rogues as love interests, bosom-heaving, evil children, and talking animals). Consider making lists like these for inspiration down the road.

Because I Have So Much Free Time

2009-10-26T15:55:00.006-04:00

Wait, I don't.
Anyway, I'm taking the challenge, finally, of NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Write 50, 000 words in one month! I need some buddies to do this, anyone game?

I'm also climbing back on the horse of perpetual preparation for Clarion Writer's Workshop 2010, and I feel especially motivated by the news that the admission window has been moved back to December 1st.

Life simply isn't busy enough right now, between gardening, homeschooling, UU-ing, teaching and academic publishing/freelancing (and pretty much in that order of priority). It feels oddly secondary to mention that my proposal for the Virginia Tech "Gender, Bodies and Technology" conference was recently accepted --I'd actually forgotten about that news until just now.

Let me know, gotta go! It's Farnham, ya'll!

Journey's End, Writer's Block

2009-10-20T12:56:00.004-04:00

It's frustrating to see my blog sit fallow for 5 weeks, but it's a worse feeling when there's no writing to show for that time, either. Aargh!

I've just returned from upstate New York, where I attended my kid sister's baby shower and took a few photos. I bought some apples and cheese, ate some bad food.

It's a picturesque place, but I'm glad to be home.

The pic is from the old mill district in Little Falls, a few minutes from my sister's place in the dismal town of Herkimer. At least the foliage was colorful.

I'm alive. As usual, I close with empty promises to blog more often.

Book Review

2009-09-09T09:38:00.004-04:00

The Sparrow, by Mary Dora Russell

I finished this book a few weeks ago, and when I finally put it down, I exclaimed to my hubbie, "This is the best f'ing book I ever read."

Basic synopsis: A group of friends and colleagues, several of whom happen to be Jesuits, are sent to find the source of musical transmissions coming from another planet. The only survivor to return is a traumatized priest who can't bring himself to discuss what happened to the rest of the crew. The restoration of his battered body and badly shaken faith, and the story of the journey itself, are interwoven into twin narratives that kept me completely hooked.

I read this book on a recommendation, and I am so glad I did. It is a very slow burn, but haunting and extremely well-done. While several characters in the book are Jesuit, I would not call it a Christian book; I'm not a Christian (but I am a student of faith), and I enjoyed the book immensely. Faith is just part of who the people are.

However, this is a sci-fi book that is about ethics and character, not about action. Readers who enjoyed Michael Flynn's Eifelheim, which I can't suggest strongly enough, will like this book. Readers who dig on writers like John Ringo will dislike its attention to character and lengthy discussion about morality. The book's greatest success, I think, is convincing the reader that each character is unique and interesting. It's a tragedy, and the reader knows that from the beginning. I felt something for each character because they seemed like real people; I cried more than once. Not everyone's cup of tea, certainly.

From a writer's perspective, Russell's narrative technique is what impressed me most and kept me reading. I have little patience these days for crummy language and trite ideas. The dialogue is nearly flawless, and effortless for the reader to experience. Well worth a read for the student of technique.

About Plotting and Exposition

2009-08-31T21:34:00.000-04:00

This is what I'm thinking about these days, stuff I never learned in the two years I put in as an undergrad with creative fiction and non-fiction writing classes.

One of the challenges of the fiction writer, especially in sci-fi, is presenting exposition on setting or backstory without coming off as tedious. It's what I've heard Cory Doctorow call the "info-dump," and apparently, a big chunk of it is something to avoid.

For instance, it's not a good idea to start off telling a whole back-story in a prologue just to set the scene. Or in the middle of a conversation, the main character should not ruminate at length to give the reader an idea of what's going on or the other character's past history, and so on.

So, how does this get done? The info has to be presented somehow. As I read (or usually, re-reading), I'm noticing how the author in question accomplishes the task. Use of flashbacks, the out-of-place or otherwise ignorant main character or secondary (who needs to have everything explained), or some other device.

Love it or hate it, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is an interesting example of this. I re-read this recently, and by the way, I'm kinda in a "wish-I-could-love-it" mood about it, but I don't exactly hate it. Make sense?

How to present big chunks of backstory about Harry's worst enemy while staying with the protagonist? If someone just told him, that might be dull. Instead, Rowling uses the Pensieve, which imparts the memories of others in scenes the reader can see. Harry and Dumbledore discuss the import of the memories before and after (it's somewhat less dull that way).

Presto. When it comes to sci-fi, devices may be cybernetic instead of magical, but the concept is the same.

Mega Challenge

2009-08-28T17:38:00.005-04:00

Aside from having a funky name, I like the 'tude over at flash site Brain Harvest, especially the mustaches. They're Clarion workshop alumni who wanted to make something happen. I like it. Plus, a contest deadline is always motivating, to me anyhow.

Thanks to Jamie for posting this.

Argh!

2009-08-27T23:15:00.004-04:00

So, I'm alive, and in spite of the fact I haven't posted in FIVE FRIGGIN' WEEKS. Two unfortunate things have happened, causally relating to this:

My cat threw up on my laptop. Seriously, I am not making that up. Right in the middle of the keyboard, so now a bunch of keys don't function. Maybe I could have had some fun with synonyms, trying to work without those keys, but since one of them is A, another is W and another is Delete, I really couldn't manage. I must use Delete more than any other key (it takes the place of the PC Backspace).

Also, I have a high-maintenance guest in my home in the form of my mother-in-law. That might sound amusing until you hear that she has Alzheimer's. That condition is not without some humor, as anyone caring for someone like that can tell you, but mostly it's a pain in the backside (sorry, honey). I won't go into it here, but suffice to say, it's distracting, and six weeks of it is too much for me (four down, two to go). I haven't written much of anything other than lesson plans in weeks.

Stir in wacky offspring who resists sleeping and homeschooling plus the stress of three different not-fun deadlines on top of gearing up for Fall teaching. I was kinda close to mental breakdown at one point, but somehow recovered with help from loved ones, and I'm invigorated by the directed study I'm teaching. So, here I am!

In the interim, I got a rejection from Every Day Fiction, which I'm actually a little relieved by. After submitting, I started to think my piece really didn't fit in with what they do there, in terms of themes people seem to enjoy as well as quality (only sometimes, though). Not to sound sour grapes-ish, but I've been aggrieved by the appearance of typos and other issues with more than a few posts. That is really not snarky pseudo-superiority, that's just the English teacher in me talking. I've not been published yet, outside my freelance news features and academic stuff, so I can't gripe there. It's just that with some of the issues I've seen, it rankled a bit that my rejection note encouraged me to rework the story and submit to a "more forgiving" venue. But I'm glad for another reason: that story's been percolating a little in my head, and I think it could be a traditional-length piece with some work.

Look for more regular postings from here on out.

This I Believe

2009-07-22T21:36:00.004-04:00

I spoke about this recently at the UU in my area and thought other folks might find it insightful.

Have you ever been asked what you believe? It's not a very easy question answer. Before I came to this church a year and a half ago, I identified as a pagan and Wiccan, and I was asked about it frequently. People are generally curious because they've seen too many bad movies and TV shows about teen witches; many of these use pagan terminology like "rule of three" and "craft of the wise." It's also difficult for many people to imagine a religious life outside of their Christian upbringing, an upbringing I lacked. The most common question was, "SO, do you believe in God?"

I developed a rehearsed sort of answer that explained what paganism isn't (for example, not Satanism). Or I explained traditional pagan holidays and rituals, and that, YES, I do believe in god (just not with a capital "G"), and that to me, god is female and male, named in ten thousand ways across cultures, and present in all matter in the universe. That god is present within me, and that salvation, heaven and hell don't make a lot of sense to me. I explain that I think the gods love us and they're waiting for us to express our own divinity. That WE are the creators, who create ourselves in the world, everyday, and we are always evolving, whether we realize it or not.

Now I've become a UU because its principles align with my beliefs. This is also confusing to people, so I have to explain THAT, especially since I can be a UU and a pagan at the same time. But these explanations I give are pretty much everything a person could just as readily obtain by searching for the terms on the internet, if they cared to.

So I don't want to talk about what paganism is, because the definition of a faith or an explanation of its practices is not the same as what the individual practitioner feels inside.

And I feel connected, I feel alive, I feel joy. Most of the time, I feel the absence of fear. When I came to it, paganism was a homecoming. Wonder, if we welcome it, is a revelation, and the natural world presents so many opportunities for wonder. Scientific understanding of nature doesn't dampen my sense of spirituality, it heightens it. Matter is in motion, from the spiraling of the galaxy, to the revolution of our planet around a life-giving sun, right down to the motion of cells of our bodies. It's thrilling to know I'm a part of that.

We also have so many everyday gifts and wonders. I've read somewhere that Benjamin Franklin said that existence of "beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy." Well, I would amend that to say that the existence of bananas, black beans and avocados is proof that the gods want us to be happy. We've evolved in conjunction with so many delicious things.

I don't have to believe a literal truth like explicit creationism to appreciate it and learn an important lesson. I guess you could say I believe in conscious evolution. We call the earth our mother, and we call the goddess our mother, we call the sun our god, but we know it's a ball of hot gas. Without it, we would not be, and that is enough reason for reverence.

Making the Cut

2009-07-21T13:50:00.006-04:00

This post is not about writing, and really, it's a rant about my inner life. But it could make my writing life better, so maybe it is about writing.

With me, it takes a crisis point to realize something's wrong. Or better stated, "nature has a way of restoring balance." Usually, I stress so hard that I make myself sick and have to spend a week in bed with a cold or something worse. Then, I realize that the world doesn't stop turning if I take a break from all my responsibilities.

Well, I got a big shove in that direction on Sunday. I was nearly frantic trying to fulfill all my obligations, and I just broke. I know my life is out of balance: the things I most want to devote my time to (writing, spirituality, family) are the ones I give the least to, in favor of activities that satisfy the least and best serve others. SO, I'm done!

A little prayer, to the Goddess: "Mother, help me. Mother, heal me. Please release me from all things worldly that do not serve me."

I know what needs to be cut. I need to be at peace in myself to do the work I most desire.

So mote it be!

Huh?

2009-07-17T08:55:00.004-04:00

As a teacher, this sale item from Publix supermarket (photo taken yesterday) strikes me as odd.

Crittin' Helps!

2009-07-16T12:52:00.003-04:00

I am very pleased to say that I got a fresh eye on "The Conduit" yesterday, and it really helped. This story had been hashed over by yours truly so many times that it felt dead. I couldn't even read it anymore, but this reader helped me see some obvious places that needed strengthening. Many thanks to Aika, and all the other readers who've helped with this story so far. The revision effort I put into it today made me feel more confident about sending it out again to face another possible rejection.

Advantages of critique demonstrated! However, I still haven't decided whether or not to join an online writing group. Some of the candidates on my shortlist are getting mixed reviews from other writers. I think I need to focus on discipline at the moment, to get more viable pieces closer to completion.

Ah, rejection!

2009-07-13T13:27:00.002-04:00

I just happened to check my spam box and guess what I found? A submission rejection dated June 10th! Nothing good comes from the spam folder, I guess.

I've submitted this story, "The Conduit," to three places so far, and garnered three rejections : the Anspaugh Science Fiction Contest, Clarion Writers' Workshop, and recently, Strange Horizons. Not a particularly good record, but at least I'm getting the story out there instead of sitting on it.

Am I supposed to get the message that this story stinks? There are plenty of examples of authors who stacked up multiple rejections before selling a particular story. Then the story won an award, once it got into print where folks could read it. Sure, that's probably not me, but I still don't have to give up. Maybe just not quit my day job.

Yet.

What should I read now?

2009-07-09T12:29:00.006-04:00

What should I read next? I'm a picky reader, but I've taken some risks this summer and tried books and authors that I knew little about.

I've recently put a few down after struggling through four or five chapters, notably Greg Bear's City at the End of Time. Feel free to chastise if you liked this book, but I can't get into a novel that deliberately keeps the reader in the dark about almost everything. I like a puzzle, but this was too convoluted for my tastes.

I just finished S.M. Stirling's Dies the Fire, and I was pleasantly surprised. A good post-apocalyptic yarn hooks me every time, and while some of his dialogue falls flat, the man can write some action scenes. Sword fights, brawls, archery and battles were nuanced and knowledgeable. I may have actually learned a bit reading it. The big surprise was Stirling's interesting attempt to use Wiccan culture as a major part of his story. He doesn't always succeed (characters say things like "Well, Goddess bless me!" far too much), but it's one of the more even-handed and realistic depictions of pagans I've read in fiction. Nobody pulls out a fireball or some "secret knowledge," talks to animals, or anything like that. He also demonstrates some insider knowledge of the pagan community (lingo, religious activities) although I'm unsure if he's pagan himself. Anyhoo, I liked it well enough, but not necessarily for that reason. I'll resist the urge to read the sequels, at least for now.

Help me decide what to read now! Pick a random unread from my bookcase or suggest something different (I tend toward "classic" sci-fi, the post-apocalyptic, first contact novels, and "sociological" sci-fi such as Ursula K. LeGuin).

The Ghost Light by Fritz Leiber
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell
Souls in the Great Machine by Sean McMullen
Babylon Babies by Maurice Dantec

Any thoughts on this greatly appreciated. Happy reading!

News from the Front

2009-07-07T12:45:00.006-04:00

You know it's bad when I get too busy to write. I'm sure "lifestuff" is the death of many a blog, but not this one, thank goodness.

Major developments include new responsibilities as co-chair of worship at the UU, and the realignment of my entire house to accommodate new housemate. Between these two, I've been a little pre-occupied.

Maybe I was also avoiding the blogosphere so as to shield myself from the amazing good-times stories of folks who are at this very moment blogging the writing life at Clarion Writer's Workshop. I want to know, but I don't. I got over the politely worded rejection I received a few months ago, and I've trained my brain on next year's possibilities and this year's publication efforts. Reading about the adventures of the "got-ins" may send me in the wrong mental direction.

I've also been logging lots of gaming time, which takes me out of my world and problems for a while and translates as quality time with friends and spouse. Big-time, late-night fun playing Spirit of the Century and Arkham Horror, eating junk food and laughing. On the downside, I've been driven insane and devoured by Yog-Sothoth.

Need for Speed!

2009-06-09T16:10:00.005-04:00

My sweet little iBook, from whence all this blogging goodness emerges, can't keep up with me. It is incredibly frustrating to compose on a computer and have the words sometimes appear more slowly than I am typing. And it needs upgrades it can't handle (like Flash, grr, SLOW).

You can support my writing habit, er, career with the Smarty Pig widget on the right. Smarty Pig is basically a virtual piggy bank, and a set number of dollars goes into each month from my (our) account. My goal is to write at least ten times as many words each week as the amount of money deposited monthly. So far, doing pretty good (see previous post). Maybe I can get up to ten times as many daily, if this keeps up.

Every penny helps! Yes, I am shameless.

Finding the Groove

2009-06-08T10:41:00.003-04:00

I don't want to toot my horn just yet (not too loudly, anyhow), but I am pleased that I seem to have settled on a writing routine that works. For the past four days (not counting Sunday), I wrote for at least an hour each morning.

This means getting up before my family at 5:45 A.M. and getting straight to work. Since I am not a morning person, this is challenging. Couple this with the fact that my family tends to keep me up late, and this is VERY challenging. However, the knowledge that the characters are waiting gets me moving after a couple of snooze-button mashes.

In this relatively short time, I've revised and submitted a short story to Strange Horizons. I also finished a new flash story (dream-inspired) temporarily titled "What's That Pinging Sound?" that clocks in at just under 1K, and I've added over 700 words to a story seed, as yet to be titled.

At the risk of sounding trite, routine periods of isolation are the most important gifts writers can give themselves. If writing is your job, or you wish it was, you have to set aside time to do it every single day.

I have shared outside the blog (and a little here) the value I'm getting out of Stephen King's On Writing. A few people have made disparaging remarks about the quality of King's work, but I am not deterred because his advice is solid and honest (and his success speaks for itself). It's not told me much that is radical and new, but it's given me permission to do what I know I should be doing. It's like having a mentor I can peek in on every few days, and when I do, he says "Try this," and "What are you waiting for?"

Routine writing, every day, AT HOME, is one piece of advice he gives. Stop hiding in the library carrel or at the coffee shop with your laptop. Your work needs to be housed in your space, as a part of your life, not away somewhere else.

I am happy that I've given myself permission to find this groove and stick with it.

Where to Get Ideas

2009-06-04T11:02:00.006-04:00

If I could stop procrastinating, I could write at least fifty short stories from all the story-starters in my "percolator," a big blue binder that houses my writing life. I used to make the excuse that "I would write if I just had some ideas." But I have gobs of ideas; they fly at me from everywhere. Sometimes I capture them right away (QuickVoice, people!), but some escape.

My best places to get ideas, if you need a few:

Random words I overhear: ("I'd be dead by now if not for her," "We just wanted a quiet holiday, I swear," "This tractor is a time machine" (okay, my kid said the last one, but it's still pretty cool)

Michio Kaku's weekly science radio show, Explorations, on public radio

BoingBoing, a usually interesting blog (especially Gadgets)

Wired Magazine (they're kinda snarky and sensational sometimes, and have permanent wood for anything gadgety, but ideas emerge)

Dreams (really!)

Obviously, my ears perk up to tech topics, and that's where the fresh fodder for sci-fi hides out.

I think the key is to write down anything vaguely interesting or catchy, even if it sounds absurd (especially if it sounds absurd).

Rain!

2009-05-30T00:07:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, it rained so hard that the top popped on my rainbarrel. If you click on the photo on the left, you can see the water overflowing the spout and pushing up the lid. After several months of drought conditions, this is amazing to witness.

Garden is happy. Then it rained all afternoon again today.

Now, central Florida just needs, like, seventeen more inches to meet normal annual rainfall.

Flash Away!

2009-05-27T20:05:00.003-04:00

Sent off a submission, finally. I hope Jordan and the other folks over at Every Day Fiction are nice to me (but not too nice). My thanks to Oso for pushing me forward in a better direction.

I thought flash fiction would be easier, but somehow it's not. If anything can be said to be "easy" about the form, it's the fact that word limitations force me (the wordy) to get to the point, advance the plot, and round out characters as much as possible in fewer words. These are NOT simple matters, obviously, but at least the form encourages me to make these things happen economically.

As an exercise, it teaches a useful lesson: if you don't know where the story is going, you can't get there. I'm considering writing "flash drafts" of longer pieces that are not coming together well.

Zombie Haiku Contest

2009-05-27T11:33:00.007-04:00

Over 400 haiku written on the subject of zombies, over at Boing Boing.

One of my favorites (of course, I didn't read them all):

I have eaten of
The brains you left in the fridge
Forgive me: I hunger.

Even though the syllables are technically incorrect, it's clearly written in homage to the poem by William Carlos Williams entitled "This is Just to Say":

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

I also like this one (#296), from "If Famous Poets Wrote Zombie Haiku":

Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.

Left to me, Thomas might instead write:

Grave men, after death
Their blind eyes seek only life
Rage, rage in the night

Edit: Thanks to Ben Blogged for the cool graphic.

Good Reason to Check One's Pockets

2009-05-26T15:53:00.006-04:00

...before placing jeans in the dryer.

Check out the toasty color achieved, kinda like a perfectly roasted marshmallow.

On Writing

2009-05-21T12:04:00.004-04:00

This is more of a personal reflection than a book review, for what it's worth.

I know I'm not the only person out there indulging in reading about writing rather than doing the work of writing (you know, some of the time). Classic procrastination disguised as progress. On the same note, there are plenty of writers who are penning "how-to" books instead of producing fiction. Most are not that worthwhile, and folks would be especially wise to avoid books that have big promises on the cover, like "Jumpstart your creativity!" and "Write your novel in three easy steps!" and so forth. This is probably self-evident.

However, a few decent books exist that are thoughtful, inspiring and actually helpful to my process. Right now, I'm reading Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. Now, before you say "Eww, not that guy," just hang on a minute. I thought that, too, before I picked it up. King is one of those writers that people seem to love or hate. I used to love his stuff, but I was a ripe old seventeen years old. Then I moved on.

But this book is not (obviously) horror, and King is successful for a reason. Primarily, I think it's his astonishing output. I admire that kind of work ethic, and many people suggested the book to me. I was able to overcome my initial reluctance, and I'm very pleased that I did.

What I've enjoyed so far about the book is King's "memoir" bit, which is a brief description of events in his life that he believes "formed" him as a writer (he doesn't believe that writers are made, BTW; they either have what it takes, and do something with it, or they don't). I found it fresh and funny. I was thrilled by his descriptions of everyday encounters that later coalesced into story concepts and characters. Write what you know, right? For instance, an amalgamation of hapless girls he observed in school became Carrie (he always disliked her), the main character in his first successful book. He also engages the struggle that plagues many of us, balancing personal life with the demands of our writing ambition/addiction (are you listening, Oso?)

I found this so interesting that I sat down, and as an exercise, wrote an outline of my adolescence and filled in key memories from those times in my life. Nothing comprehensive, just random thoughts, really. I am shocked at how little I recall about my own life. King expresses his amazement at memoir writers who seem to recall every detail of their lives with clarity; he just doesn't have that, and neither do I. In fact, I question the authenticity of those tidy autobiographies.

Then in the second section, King launches into a pleasant discussion with the reader about his personal sense of wonder concerning writing as "telepathy," a method of communicating directly with another person on the page. The result is surprisingly intimate:

"I never opened my mouth and you never opened yours. We're not even in the same year together, let alone the same room... except we are together. We're close. We're having a meeting of the minds." (106)

In the next chapter, entitled "Toolbox," he discusses ways to develop oneself as a writer. No discussion so far about plotting, or character, or any of that although it may come. A pleasurable difference from other books I've read about writing.

Somewhere, I think in a Nebula volume, Ursula K. LeGuin made a statement about writing workshops that went something like this: If we teach everyone tried and true methods for fiction writing, then we'll probably get a lot of stories that sound pretty good. But they'll all sound the same. We have to work on ways to help emergent writers find their own unique voices, or there won't be any ground-breaking new work(s).

I'm enjoying the process of finding my own voice.

I've Made Nerd!

2009-05-20T15:51:00.005-04:00

So, who can guess what this depicts? The talented artist is Mr. B.

A while back, I met a woman at an academic conference who told me all about her proposed dissertation topic concerning nerd culture. Apparently, her anthropology department was not amused. Her argument was "culture" is that which is transmitted from parent to child, and so on, down the generations. Nerds teach their children specific culture, hence, "nerd culture."

There's been a bit of talk about what constitutes "nerd" and "geek," how they may or may not be the same thing, and so on, with quite a few unexpected people getting their geek on. Supposedly, geeking is cool now, so someone has to spoil it by co-opting it.

Wil Wheaton, who is a very polite and smart person with reliable geek cred, says a bit about this.

Meanwhile, keep transmitting. Somebody has to.

Proud Pagan

2009-05-07T10:54:00.005-04:00

I've spent the better part of the week trying to hold onto the sense of peace and purpose I gained from attending Florida Pagan Gathering this past weekend. It's a twice-annual festival which always inspires me to better my life and take action.

I attended great workshops with cool presenters. I learned some absolutely beautiful songs for groups from Margot Adler (yes, the journalist from NPR). With my family, I learned about incorporating spiritual practice into daily life as a "family coven" with Lydia Crabtree. I gathered a good amount of perspective on the future of paganism as a growing world-wide religious movement, with folks like Gavin and Yvonne Frost (who are, BTW, very anti-Christian while I am not) and T. Thorn Coyle. Best of all, I watched my husband and child jump the Beltane fires and dance around at the fire/drum circle. Amazing levels of joy.

It's hard to come home after that, although finding ticks in your clothes and scorpions in your campsite are enough encouragement to leave! I have a refreshed appreciation for creature comforts and a renewed spiritual bond with both family and friends who attended with us.

WTF?

2009-04-23T22:09:00.006-04:00

Has it really been a whole week since I posted? What have I been doing?

I met this guy at the UU, and this guy at the UU in Clearwater, and those were very engrossing experiences. I have been actively increasing the size of my garden, which is now yielding tomatoes every day that my family can eat.

A bit of writing and some reading, but nothing remarkable. On Wednesday, I had a meltdown of sorts over trying to coexist peacefully with my Aspie offspring. It's very weird, driving down the road and sobbing at the same time. It feels oddly intimate and isolated at the same time when you're sitting at at traffic light, next to other drivers, with tears running down your face. Isn't that the name of a band, "Drivin' and Cryin'" or something like that?

Back on Track

2009-04-16T12:05:00.008-04:00

Thanks to Oso Meurte and Sir Brian, I am back on track. One flash story now entering revision stage.

Thanks, guys. Still looking for other flash site recommendations if folks have any.

Meanwhile, for a taste of what kind of short fiction I like, I suggest Shimmer (it's not flash). A free issue is up for download (did I post this before?). One story in particular caught me, called "A Painter, A Sheep, and a Boa Constrictor," by Nir Yaniv. He's an interesting fella in his own right.

I turned and read this tale aloud to my hubbie as soon as I'd read it through. Very nice balance of bizarre, intriguing elements and the recognizable, as well as perfect pacing. I do so love a twist ending that really works well.

Why I Am Not Writing Now

2009-04-09T21:12:00.002-04:00

At this very moment, at least.

I have been writing, but not completing stories. I get stuck and move on to another story idea. Even knowing that flash submissions are required to be short doesn't help; I take forever to get to the point.

Advice from my teacher-self says: Keep writing until the good part materializes, then chop. Only I'd say it nicer to my students.

Writer-self is whining.

What do you say?

Admirable Person of the Week

2009-04-09T21:07:00.000-04:00

A youngish person with serious chops.

Albert 2.0

2009-04-08T11:54:00.002-04:00

Chat live with Albert Einstein (sort of).

After a few minutes of chat, he asked what I was wearing. Hmm.

For Fans of the Office and Religious Open-mindedness

2009-04-01T21:30:00.006-04:00

I recently stumbled upon some interesting perspective on religion and the Baha'i faith from Rainn Wilson of The Office, who is apparently a pretty deep individual.

He appeared on Oprah's Sirius Radio show to talk about his brainchild, called SoulPancake.

While not big on Oprah, I am certainly a big fan of The Office, and of The Schrute, and now I like him even better.

Of course, I'm one of the "hippy-dippy" ones Rainn is not keen on.

Flash Fiction?

2009-03-30T15:30:00.003-04:00

Now that I've cleansed the palate with a couple of silly posts... something completely different.

I'm collecting bookmarks for flash fiction websites, as I've recently learned of the idea and find it intriguing, at least as an exercise to tone writerly muscles.

Check out 365Tomorrows, Every Day Fiction and Vestal Review. Any other ideas?

I'll be ready to submit soon! One particular tale jumped out of the percolator and is struggling toward completion.

Ganesh says, "You can do it!"

How Could I Not Know About This?

2009-03-27T21:41:00.003-04:00

Maybe this is completely insane or just borderline gender confusion, but I've had several opportunities to wear glue-on mustaches in my lifetime, and I enjoyed those experiences a bit too much (folks from the Lunch Bunch will know what I mean by that). Being a fan of both silly mustaches and tattoos, how could I miss a whole subcultural niche concerning cute mustache tattooing?

There's even social networking for these folks at http://fingerstache.ning.com

Oh, stop worrying. I'm not going to do it. It's very silly.

Coffee is Bad

2009-03-27T21:00:00.003-04:00

A great cup of coffee is a joy. Hot, creamy, sweet and comforting. After drinking it, I begin to feel a sense of overall well-being, then a sort of euphoria, and then I experience a period of zippy, enthusiastic productivity. I can do stupid things faster, with more energy!

But apparently a really great cup of coffee makes me ill. After a while, I withdraw and feel awful for hours, woozy and even nauseated. Of course, I tend not to eat much because I'm feeling satisfied. Maybe it's the sugar, or the caffeine, or a combination of both. Another problem is that people look at me funny when I'm talking, as if I am behaving oddly or possibly speaking faster than I should for good communication. Maybe I'm even slurring like a drunk, who knows.

Enjoying and craving that sense of well-being makes it easy to forget the bad feelings that are sure to follow. I feel like an addict, I guess. Not that I know what that's like.

Anyway, I need to cut back.

On Fire

2009-03-27T09:43:00.003-04:00

Woo-hoo! Ideas are brewing in the noggin!

I am very pleased with the fact that in spite of my busy life, I am creating. Mostly outlined and jotting, but new story seeds are being collected. I am also researching markets and have found three that I plan to submit to in the next month or so.

The freelance writing is also going well; I have two new projects.

Hopefully, a more substantive post will emerge a little later. Gotta go to see to that progress.

Had to do it!

2009-03-24T22:30:00.004-04:00

This is so cool, I had to repost.

From E.J.'s blog over yonder:

“If I were an earthworm….”

“If I were a dragonfly….”

Over at the Sundance Channel website, you can watch Isabella Rossellini’s Green Porno videos, in which she dresses up in colorful costumes and enthusiastically and accurately demonstrates the sexual behaviors of various invertebrates. Utterly fabulous.

Check it out, especially those folks I know are Rossellini fans.

Omens, Free Association and Writing

2009-03-24T11:44:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, before the bad news, I went into a used bookstore to drop off some posters for a local concert. I happened to be waiting in line at the counter just long enough for my eyes to drift over the rack containing film novelizations (which I generally look down upon, bleh). The very top and left book happened to be The Affair of the Necklace, written by Elizabeth Hand, a Clarion workshop leader. Was it a sign? Not a good one, as it turned out, but I did receive news just a short time later. However, it should not surprise me to see an author's name, on a book, in a book store.

The day before that, I was in the bath, trying to relax and stop obssessing about acceptance/rejection, when the shampoo lather floating in the tub formed into the shapes of two fish. The smaller had a wide-open mouth poised to consume the larger. A sign? I don't even know of what, but I was distressed and dashed it away.

As a child (and even then I was an aspiring writer), I used to think that writerly work was mythically channeled from some great source, that the ideas burned writers up from the inside until they were let out. The whole notion was that writing is always passionate and exciting, and that great writers were like half-mad artists. When I was a kid, I wanted to be that. Of course, now I'm actually writing, and although at least one story kinda burned its way out, the work I'm doing now has more to do with craft. The difference is that writing craft is taught and learned and shared (and requires time-consuming self-discipline); it's not wild talent that madly creates in an isolated trance. Ideas come from everywhere, especially for speculative fiction, and random word association can springboard the writer into exciting new directions. All this has something to do with omens (random signs and symbols that are assigned meaning) that I'm not expressing very well here. Maybe you get the point.

Now that my summer has been freed up, I am hard at work on new writing, with the goal of two fresh subs before June in mind.

The current project, tentatively titled "In Like the Lion," is a short story I started during the wait. It began with a phrase of simple word association, and at the time, I thought of it as very goofy, but at least diverting from the stress of waiting. Now, it seems to be taking on a life of its own, as stories tend to do, and the characters want to go places and see new people. And there it goes, with me in tow.

I'm also shopping around for good online writing workshops to join, if anyone has suggestions.

Back to Normal?

2009-03-23T13:34:00.004-04:00

Finally, word from Clarion, and sadly it's no. But also some encouraging words:

"The admissions panel feels that you (sic) work shows promise and says you came 'very close' to being admitted."

I'll keep working and try again next year. At least the process has motivated me to rethink my life a little and put me over the hurdle of first submission fears. In the meantime, I need to start subbing my work elsewhere.

And, my posts can go back to normal instead of just functioning as Clarion tweets.

A big thank you to everyone who sent me good wishes and support!

Go, go, gadget optimism!

2009-03-21T20:26:00.007-04:00

I am occupied by other thoughts, and I am not, not, not freaking out! I am taking stupid pictures of myself (which I will have to add later because Blogger is acting stupid and won't let me upload).

I am harvesting collards that I grew with my own two black-thumbed hands, and cooking them for my pagan group's potluck (photo).

I am making out with my husband in the driveway in full view of my neighbors (no photo).

I am thankful to other people for their support and good wishes. I am not complaining.

Edit: Sorry the pics are sloppy, I really don't get what is going on with Blogger right now. But there they are, anyhow.

P.S. I May Develop an Ulcer

2009-03-21T08:22:00.002-04:00

Dear Clarion folks,
Perhaps you are inundated with similar requests this morning, but I am writing to contact the program coordinator about my application as suggested on the Clarion website. I have not yet received notification of my application's acceptance or rejection.

Please clarify if possible. Many thanks for all your hard work.

Sincerely,
me

And, so?

2009-03-20T20:26:00.004-04:00

It is after 8:30 P.M. here, and still no word. I just keep telling myself that reviewers are probably on Pacific time, so it's early yet for them. Here, it feels very late.

I took a nap (I had a weird dream that there was a neglected dog living in my garage) and then went out for dinner, leaving my phone at home so I couldn't check email. After that, I took Cinder-Boo out for a long walk (see Sith's apprentice in earlier post), and then cooked her dinner. Yes, she is that spoiled (and/or I am that yuppy-ish these days). Then I checked the emails again. Still nothing.

Sigh. I'm not even going to speculate. Not out loud, anyway. I need a hug.

So?

2009-03-20T14:58:00.003-04:00

It's Friday, the 20th of March, and there is still nothing from Clarion. Yet.

Mr. B and I went to homeschool playgroup and to the farmers' market, and I checked my phone for email alerts about every fifteen minutes or so. You know, casually, trying not to seem disinterested in regular life.

I have cramps, it's the first day of spring, and momentous news should arrive any time now. I need a nap, but I don't know if I would sleep, as keyed up as I feel.

In other news, Mr. B is a Sith Lord.